Love Is the Movement

Monday, January 30, 2012

~ 7:05 AM ~

I don't care right now since nobody reads this God-forsaken place. I spent 5 years of my life putting my blood, sweat and dedication just to get a good future.

Look where my life is headed. This totally gone wrong. I blame myself for my pessimistic view of the "stretched rubber band" I blame myself for everything.

Now don't get me wrong. I DONT look down on ITE. I am filled with regret for giving up my will to fight, but rather focusing on my stupid pre-teenage girl emotions. Trying to comfort myself as I slowly forgot that time is ticking... very fast. Now I am stuck with a 26 (28 raw, after subtracting 2 points from my CCA)

Well, honestly I still can get to Republic Poly. But why am I not there? Because I bloody got D7 for maths. Yes, it's ridiculous and unexpected how I got that. Knowing that the papers honestly weren't as hard and rigid as what Mr. Siew gave me and doing the past year papers. Getting ranging from B3 to A2. So why am I getting a D7? What, Bell curve? Are you kidding me?

On the other hand. I have mum. She's being paranoid and temperamental about it. She doesnt want me to retake, she doesnt want me to go to ITE. Then what?! She wants me to go to NS right this instance and go to Australia to study. We don't even have money. Moreover, who's idea is it to bloody hell spend 57k just to renovate the whole bloody house when we can just renovate on those that's falling apart?!

Oh God... What am I gonna do... I have 1 hour and 45 minutes to go before it's 9am and for me to appeal my JAE. I'll go down the polytechnic and beg on my knees if I have to.

I blame myself. I could have done better. But I wasted 10 months doing God knows what. O Levels isn't that hard honestly speaking. But what went wrong seriously. Ability wise again? What am I going to do.

Society's not a friendly places. Second chances? Those are one in a million. Almost a myth. So what if you come out old? So what if you have a degree? It's not locally from Singapore. So what are you going to do Kevin?

Kevin, you disappoint me. You piece of old fat lazy old blob. You make me sick. You disappoint yourself. You disappoint your family, you bloody hell let down everyone who helped you. YOU EMOTIONAL LITTLE BITCH.